Marriage is a key part of a strong happy family life. They may be waiting to see if this generosity is a gimmick or a set of new positive habits. To do so would expose their insecurities. Whatever you say in your angry state is likely to add fuel to the fire. If yours is suffering, you CAN learn to turn things around.
1- Yelling At Your Spouse
Some people bring competition into their marriage because they feel insecure. Exercise is a terrific stress reducer and it can easily distract you from your intense feelings. The more you act with generosity, the more you’ll naturally feel generous and loving toward your spouse. So many marriages could be saved if spouses improved the ways they communicate with each other. That’s what captures the listener’s attention most.
Think About Why You Need To Win
2- Having A Competitive Attitude
When you can keep your emotion in check, your message can really shine through. Let those selfish thoughts pass by and keep doing loving things for your spouse. To do that, your channel of communication must go two ways.
3- Making Marriage About Me Instead Of We
It takes some practice to change old marriage communication mistakes. They might hold their comments back at first because they don’t know if this trend will stick. They may have trouble being vulnerable, even with their spouse.
Take a little time alone to help you ride the wave of feelings and let them settle on their own. But how about the chatter that relates to your spouse? Is it all about what how much fun you will have later, what you expect from your husband or wife, and what kind of mood you are in?
Does this sound like you? Does your spouse tire of your victory dance and your need to always have the upper hand? Maybe they just want you to come back to earth a little. But remember the whole point of communicating is to be clearly understood. It’s amazing how the energy between spouses can change so much with just a few changes. This doesn’t mean you should try to shove your emotions out of the way. As it builds up, you look for a way to release or express it. Be forewarned – they may not throw you a ticker-tape parade because you did it. It sets the stage for an exchange of heated emotions rather than clearly communicated words. Take a look at the following communication mistakes and learn how they can be resolved.
Competition is everywhere around us. Another option is to take a quick exercise break before you continue the conversation.
Here’s another secret about making an effort like this – feelings follow actions. This would clash with their belief that they are successful. Football games on TV, soccer games at the high school, getting ahead at work, Christmas displays in the neighborhood you name it and someone will try to win it. Anything that isn’t mutual and playful could build a wall between you. When they see that you are genuine and consistent with your efforts over time, your message will be clear.
Good communication is at the foundation of a strong marriage. Anger creates tension inside your mind and body. No matter what you are trying to communicate at that point, the emotion is going to take center stage. You may not be used to your spouse showing tenderness towards you.
Take Your Spouse’s Viewpoint And Make Their Day Better
Have you ever stopped to listen to the chatter going on in your mind? Most likely, it’s focused on you – what you look like, how you just messed something up, what you have on your schedule later, what you are looking forward to, etc.
Naturally, this chatter is somewhat biased because it’s from your perspective. They are probably far happier to be around you when you show some imperfections. If you married a great person, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. When they stay on top, they feel stronger and more confident. You’ll get through the problem more easily if you can keep your spouse on your side instead of pushing them away. If they don’t say anything at first, you may really wonder why you are bothering at all. Yelling at your spouse becomes a quick and easy option, although it often causes more trouble than relief.
Yelling spews lots of strong negative emotion out into the open.
It’s OK to take your time talking about something that makes you really emotional. Even if your emotion is the message you need to share, a pure emotional exchange can easily transform into an exhausting destructive habit.
It’s not that you can’t express some strong emotion when you speak c’mon, you’re not a robot! But yelling goes way past the line. But that’s about it. It may feel good to unleash your tension on your spouse when they upset you, but the sense of satisfaction is often short-lived. And perhaps you can rib each other with your basketball tournament predictions. They may be a very important part of your situation.
Generosity and considerate behaviors can go a long way towards nurturing a great marriage. You set up your partner to be defensive and frustrated rather than responsive and understanding. Once a marriage gets on a rough track, negativity grows. Problems escalate as both spouses repeat their mistakes again and again. In other words, you may not feeling loving at first when you do these generous acts.
E Krull is a licensed mental health counselor with more than a decade of experience helping others. Keep going anyway. Let Your Words Speak Volumes To Your Spouse
Maybe a little competition between the two of you at the racquetball court is OK. You may have to stay ahead of the game in some areas of your life, but your marriage is not one of them. When one person is always the winner, both spouses lose.
Change Marriage Communication Mistakes By Changing Habits. A person with emotional insecurities may overcompensate by trying to look superior to their spouse. You don’t have to win to feel satisfied. It’s often the simplest bad habits that get couples into trouble. However, you’ve only read about a few of the problems a marriage can face.
Learn more ways to nurture a loving relationship and change marriage communication habits by reading articles by E Krull at http://marriageincrisistoday.com.
If you continue a pattern of being more generous and thoughtful towards your spouse, they’ll eventually say or do something as a response. Instead of wondering if they’ll ever load the dishwasher right, do something you know they’ll appreciate. Excessive emotion interferes with that.
If you find yourself building a case in the back of your mind with supporting bullet points for every disagreement, you may win the argument nearly every time. At some point, emotions need to be communicated in a way that allows you to move past them, not fuel them.
When you feel angry, you probably start raising your voice when you speak. It’s pretty tough to focus on your troubles when you are nearly out of breath! You may also find it helpful to write out the things you want to say so you take care to deliver your message more clearly. However, you may do more to exhaust and demoralize your spouse than anything else. Don’t get caught up in the what’s in it for me trap again. Unfortunately, your spoken message will be diminished or even misunderstood